OMGWTFILL!!?!??11?1?!

Well, here I am, in beautiful Naperville. It's actually pretty drab. Reminds me of
Boulder, or Jeffersonville -- other garden spots I've traveled to on business. Here's a
recap of the trip so far:

I took off work at noon on Monday, since I was going to have to travel here that night.
Michelle drove me to the airport a little after 7 for a flight leaving at 8:30. Due to
weather, the plane didn't leave until about 9. The flight was uneventful. Many thanks to
Gaafar and way Out West for providing a marvelous soundtrack. It's been ages since I've
taken off and landed at night. I sat next to a girl who looked like the female version of
my cousin, Beau, but with dreadlocks. That was...interesting. She took it upon herself to
use the entire arm rest AND turn off my AC vent. Dumb hippie. My neck and knee were
killing me by the time we got close to Chicago. In an effort to make myself more
comfortable, I looked out the window at what I expected to be nothing. It was actually
quite spectacular, as we were flying next to a thunderstorm. Every few seconds the clouds
would light up, but there was no turbulence since we were probably 10 or 15 miles away from
it. Very cool. As we approached Chicago, we flew over some low flying, very thin clouds.
They made the view of all the lights on the ground quite spectacular. The first building I
was able to make out definitively from the plane was a Target, which is only interesting
because that's the last building I remember seeing when we took off.

We finally pulled up to the gate around 10, Chicago time. I immediately removed my pants,
but it seems that people here aren't as well versed in their style as they should be. I
nervously slid them back on, to a chorus of strange looks. (Yes, I am kidding about all
that, Michelle.) Independence Air inhabits a terminal at O'Hare which is about as far from
any kind of rental car shuttle as you can be. I followed signs to the "Bus and Shuttle
Terminal" for what seemed like several miles, expecting that when I finally DID emerge from
the airport I'd actually already be in Naperville, and not need a car. I parked myself
underneath a sign out in the cold which read "Rental Car Shuttle." To me, this seemed like
a reasonable place to be picked up by the Thrifty Rental Car Shuttle. Apparently, Thrifty
does not agree with me on this matter. I eventually got fed up and walked over to where I
had seen several shuttles driving by. After a total wait of about 40 minutes, I got the
last seat on one of the Thrifty busses. By this time, it was about 11:15 (12:15 where I had
come from). We got to the rental office, and I got in line behind everyone who was on the
bus. After about 20 minutes in line, I went to the counter, to find out all they had left
were minivans. I was awarded the ugliest, most featureless one for all my trouble. This
van will rue the day it tangled with me.

I resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to spend the next few days practicing my J-turns
in a minivan, and made for the freeway at a dizzying pace. It has some pep, but that's
about it. It's gold, with brown interior. No tinted windows, no power mirrors, no
automatic-down driver's window, and no rear defroster. I didn't know you could even buy a
car without a rear defroster anymore. No anti-lock brakes, either...A feature I almost
immediately check for in every rental car, thanks to Jamie. The brakes it DOES have are
incredibly soft...So far it has proven difficult to get them to even lock. The thing just
stops REALLY slow. Fantastic.

After about a half hour of break-neck speed on Illinois freeways, I got to my hotel. I was
informed that the only room available was "accessible." That means it has a handicapped
bathroom -- hanles and such all over the walls. Whatever. I just want to go to bed.
I woke up this morning to my wakeup call, right on time. I went to take a shower, but
noticed something missing. There's no shower curtain. In a hotel. I'm not kidding about
this. A shower curtain is apparently something I've been taking for granted in all the
other hotels I've patronized. I called the front desk, who assured me they would have a
shower curtain for me post-haste. This gave me a few minutes to examine my new home.

Other things I noticed missing: pillows (I have one, but it's a king size bed), an alarm clock (another thing I've apparenlty been taking for granted), a hairdryer (I wouldn't use it anyway, but it should be here) and an iron. It does have free high speed internet, so that's a plus.
The lady from the desk showed up and gave me my shower curtain. She also said she'd get me some pillows and an alarm clock. A few minutes later, maintenance showed up for no apparent reason. They came in, and put batteries in the thermostat control and turned on the heat. They were curious as to why I wasn't freezing. I had noticed my feet were cold the night before, but I think those months spent in Blacksburg with no heat due to laziness prepared me more than adequately for this challenge. They turned on the heat, and the room started to smell like burnt death. Smashing. They also stole an iron and a hair dryer from the room next door. I forgot to mention that I had an ironing board, just nothing to use on it. Weird.

After I got all showered, I went to class. There's 8 people in my class, 5 of whom work for EDS in different parts of North America. Interestingly enough, I seem to have the most experience with BMC out of everyone there, save the instructor. That's pathetic. Class went until 5. Not much else to say about that.

So now I'm watching Seinfeld and writing this update. After seeing a commercial for Steak N' Shake, I've decided that's where I'm going for dinner. There's one somewhere in this town...I just gotta find it. This is gonna be sweeeeeeet.

Kudos to you, gentle reader, if you actually read this whole ridiculous thing.