DON'T YOU HAVE GOOD GARBAGE?

Information of Extreme Importance!

2008-03-27T11:46:00.005-05:00

Attention to the orders! Attention to the orders!

The Tuna Melt at the Jefferson Cafe also sucks.
I say again: The Tuna Melt at the Jefferson Cafe also sucks.

That is all.

Lunch

2008-02-08T13:11:00.000-05:00

I make a much better tuna melt than the ~~Balls Deli~~ Manhattan Cafe in Rosslyn. I'm far from the greatest chef in the world, but I like to think I grill a mean cheese. That, coupled with my lovely wife's mad tuna-making skillz make for one hell of a sandwich. What really pisses me off is that the whole reason I even went to the Manhattan Cafe today was to get a bag of Utz Kettle Classics Salt and Malt Vinegar potato chips (it was also the only pace I could think of in this corporate wasteland to get a lunch which didn't contain any meat). If you're in the market for salt and vinegar chips, look no further. Of course, they didn't have them, so I had to settle for the regular Utz Red Hot flavored ones, which are ok, but not on the same level as the Kettle Classics by any means.

At least I managed to get their last Cherry Coke Zero.

Oh yeah.... Hello again, Internet.

Unnecessary Punctuation

2006-11-02T10:55:00.000-05:00

I'm sure someone has already considered this.... There's a guy who works here whose last name is hyphenated. He's probably a couple years younger than me. That got me to thinking about hyphenated names and how much of a pain in the ass they must be. Hyphenated names are sort of a phenomenon of the 80s, aren't they? That means that pretty soon, all those poor bastards whose parents couldn't decide on one last name for whatever the reason are going to start getting married. What if they want to hyphenate their already hyphenated names? Is some priest or minister or whatever really going to stand up in front of the congregation and say, "It is my great pleasure to introduce to you for the first time as man and wife Mr. and Mrs. Thompson-Du-Romanowski-Farthington"? That sounds more like a law firm than a last name.

HEAD ON

2006-06-23T06:32:00.000-05:00

What does it do? Why do I need it? Is there something on my forehead?

Don't ask questions, just apply directly to the forehead.

If this doesn't win the Golden Clio, all my faith in the advertising world and awards shows is lost forever.

Peer Pressure

2006-06-21T20:39:00.000-05:00

Since everyone else is doing it...

So, I haven't updated this thing in...well, quite some time. Since my most recent update, I've traveled to Connecticut and New Jersey, gotten a dog, turned 27, and jumped head first into the...um...wonderful? world of multiple car ownership.

As some of you may know, I've been considering the purchase of a Porsche 944 for as long as I can remember. It isn't the fastest car ever made, but it handles phenomenally, looks totally sweet and is a good car to learn to wrench/drive on. So, in a deal which seems more and more suspect every day, I agreed that if my lovely wife could get a dog, I could get my 944. Well, we now have both, and they are both decidedly more trouble than either of us first imagined.

I had a good idea of my budget and what I was looking for, because I had been looking on and off for several years. I ultimately decided on a car in Connecticut with low mileage but little (no) service history. After a couple of inspections and a new set of tires, I was on a train up there to go get it. So, here is the severly condensed version of my trip:

Friday morning -- Train to Connecticut from DC. The train is an incredibly unappealing way to travel on the east coast, by the way...unless you enjoy seeing the shadier parts of New Jersey, the back of the Newark airport, and every junk/scrap yard in a six state area.
Friday afternoon -- Cab from the train station to the house where I am to pick up my new automobile. I never met the guy I bought it from...it was at his house with the keys and title inside. I got on the road for NJ, with a quick stop at some random bank for a pen and some scotch tape. I'm sure they thought I was robbing the place.
Friday late afternoon -- After a few hours of stressful rush hour driving between CT and NJ (lots of listening to every weird noise made by my car and looking at the temperature gauge) I arrived at Ryan's new house for his housewarming party. Got the three dollar tour, drank some beers and waited for the onslaught of Jersey folk.
Friday night -- Party at the Captain's. Met all his real estate friends, drank lots, ate/grilled lots, did some celebrity hot tubbin', and slept on a couch cushion in the unfurnished dining room. Ryan may have been more drunk than I've ever seen another human being.
Saturday morning -- Got up, made sure Ryan was still alive, said my goodbyes to my crw and got on the road.
Saturday afternoon -- Arrived at the bottom of the NJTP. Celebrated this milestone on the side of the road in the rain, with my car which no longer runs.

I'll step out of the list for a moment here to explain.... I went through the express toll lane at the end of the turnpike at the perscribed 55 mph. I accellerated out of the toll, and the car stopped running. Wouldn't turn over, wouldn't do anything. I pulled off into the left shoulder and planned my next move. A few minutes later, a very helpful NJ State Trooper showed up and called me a tow truck. Fortunately for me, he was neither fased by nor interested in my lack of license plates. Eventually the tow truck showed up, and after much confusion as to how to lash the car to his rig, I was on my way again. He left me at the Flying J in Carney's Point, NJ and absconded with my new toy. I got to experience some of the local color and attempt to hitchike back to DC (or Wilmington, at least) for two hours while I waited for a cab. Suprisingly, there are some very strange people at the Flying J in Carney's Point. Who would have thought? Anyway, the cab showed up, and $30 later, I was at the train station in Wilmington, DE.

Saturday evening -- Defeated, I get off the Metro in Vienna in the pouring rain and into my Dad's car. He takes me to his house, where my (working) car is. I go home, totally dejected.
Monday morning -- The mechanic calls to tell me the car started up fine. Awesome. I know what the problem is and I know how to fix it myself. My dad graciously offers to drive me to Jersey to get the car. I replace the DME Relay and get back on my way.
Monday evening -- Meet up with Mat and Mikey at Costal Flats to show them the car and have a couple beers. Then back home and into the garage. Victory, seemingly, is mine.
Tuesday evening -- I attempt to go get the car an emissions inspection. The station is closed, so I go home. As I round the final corner into my part of the neighborhood, I let the clutch out in second gear. The car makes an awful noise and refuses to engage the gear. I coast to the lowest point on my street (oh yeah, the parking brake doesn't work) and am instantly very depressed. I ultimately go back into the house and drink a few beers. Oh yeah, it was my birthday, too.

So anyway, I've driven this car about 500 miles since I've owned it. The only things that move it now are gravity, and my drunk friends who helped get it back into the garage, where it's been for over a month, waiting on a new clutch. I'm using the time to replace most of the brake components and the front bearings and anything else I find as I work my way through. I'm hoping to have it back on the road by the end of the summer. I knew I'd find problems with it...I just sort of hoped they'd hold off until I'd had a chance to drive a little. Oh well.

Ultimately, I'm glad I bought the car (and I'm glad we got the dog, but he's a whole 'nother post). I am enjoying working on it, even though it is a huge pain in the ass sometimes. Every shot of Brake Kleen in my eye is just another stinging reminder of how great the car will be once I get it to where I want. By the time it gets back on the road, it will be like getting a new car again, since I really don't remember what it's like to drive the thing. I think it was fun, though, after I relaxed a little.

Now, for those who care, a brief pictoral history of my Porshe ownership to date:

A picture from the cars.com ad which led me down this treacherous path:

The first picture I thought to take of the car myself:

And, finally, a more recent picture, showing the current state of the car:

A Ragamuffin Vixen

2006-02-24T13:40:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to post about all the crazy shit I've found around the Interweb lately, but as usual procrastination is getting the best of me. This remixed map of the DC Metro system was too good to pass up, though. They should rename all the stations to match this map.

Ralphie, get off the stage, sweetheart.

2006-02-23T21:16:00.000-05:00

Inspired by a song off the new Bloodhound Gang album, I've added a new feature to my little corner of the web here -- a random Ralph Wiggum quote generator. Code for this quote generator was blatantly but lovingly ripped off from Mikey. Quotes were taken from various places around the Intarwebz. Just reload to get a new quote. If you don't see one of your favorites, leave a comment and I'll add it to the mix.

Burning the Colonel

2006-02-14T11:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, all this political cartoon protesting business is really getting out of hand. In Pakistan, they've taken to burning Western businesses, including fast food restaurants. Where's the logic in that? Everyone knows how delicious fast food places smell to begin with. If you burn one down, you're getting all the wonderful smells with none of the reward of actually polluting your body with that delicious fried death. Seems a little counterproductive. I'm sure Akbar and Jalem thought burning down that KFC was a great idea at first, but when they were suddenly faced with an intense scent-induced desire for a bucket of extra-tasty-crispy or maybe some popcorn chicken, they were probably second guessing their decision. I hope you guys enjoyed your sand or rocks or whatever you ended up eating instead.

And since when does KFC have anything to do with Denmark or politics?

Let's try this again...

2005-12-16T16:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, I posted all of this earlier, and then violated my own rule on spell checking -- always cut and paste the HTML into notepad before letting Blogger do anything. Here's another attempt at boring you all with the crap I've been wasting time with on the Internet lately.

50's and 60's style comics PSA comics -- These cover a very wide subject area, from heroin addiction to dairy farming. This is the same site Mikey linked to earlier with the A.A. comics. The link originally came from IN4MADOR, a delightful little site which periodically posts interesting things and has a web address which reads like a personalized license plate. I love the prevailing message of a lot of the A.A. comics: just pretend like nothing's wrong, and you'll be fine! No, Billy...Daddy drinks because he's sick. He doesn't get help for his sickness because he doesn't love you.
Drive on the Dulles Toll Road for free -- You probably think there's some kind of scam contained in that link. No, it's just an article about how the only way to get busted for running a toll is to do it in front of a cop. Or to have a toll booth operator take down your plate info and turn you in. Assuming they even see you do it. Not likely. Looks like it's back into the static bag for my EZ-Pass. Thanks to Fark for the non Washington Post link.
Illegal immigrants get in-state California tuition -- This article is about a class action lawsuit being brought against CA by out of state students. Apparently you're better off not being a citizen (or a resident, even) of the country than you are being from any of the other 49 states. I find this absolutely absurd, and I hope these guys win. Thanks again to Fark for the link.
A great way to waste time and drive yourself nuts -- This picture apparently has 74 band names represented one way or another. Mat and I managed to come up with 74 names, but when we submitted our answers it said we only got 52 right. Not sure what that's about. Either way, it's a pretty cool pic. Sorry for the adds and the really slow site (on my machine, anyway). Direct link to most of the pic here. Unfortunately, part of it is cut off on the left.
Speaking of wasting time, Samorost and Samorost2 -- Save gnome guy from certain death, then help him get his dog back from aliens. A Myst type puzzle game with great graphics and sound. Too bad you have to pay for the second chapter of the second game.
Childsplay approaches half a million dollars -- The boys over at Penny Arcade have outdone themselves this year. Some people love them, some people hate them, some people just don't get any of their jokes. No matter which of those categories you fit into, it's hard to argue with giving a ton of money and toys to sick kids.

There you have it. Enjoy, rinse, repeat.

ANGER

2005-12-16T16:00:00.000-05:00

Turns out Blogger's auto-save feature is just as useless as its spell check. That was a good post, too. Maybe I'll resurrect it later if I'm feeling ambitious.

For Tourists!

2005-12-05T15:48:00.000-05:00

I was in my car the other day, and a thought randomly popped into my head: what would I do if Simon Gruber called and told me that if I didn't put exactly 4 gallons of water into a jug and put it on a scale within a predetermined amount of time, a bomb would go off and innocent people would die? Mr. Gruber has been kind enough to leave me with a 3 gallon jug, a 5 gallon jug and a limitless supply of water. This is a question which torments my very soul me every time I see Die Hard: With a Vengeance. Every time I see that movie, I have to figure out again how Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson solve that problem. Even as they're doing it right in front of me, I have to pause the DVD and figure it out for myself. So I'm doing myself the service if writing it down here, for the whole world to see. You're welcome.

1. Fill the 5 gallon jug exactly to the top
2. Fill the 3 gallon jug exactly to the top, using the water you just put into the 5 gallon jug.
3. Dump the water out of the 3 gallon jug, leaving exactly 2 gallons in the 5 gallon jug.
4. Pour the 2 gallons from the 5 gallon jug to the 3 gallon jug, leaving exactly 1 gallon of air in the 3 gallon jug.
5. Fill the 5 gallon jug exactly to the top.
6. Fill the 3 gallon jug the rest of the way to the top using water from the 5 gallon jug. This will leave exactly 4 gallons in the 5 gallon jug.
7. With less than 3 seconds left on the timer (for dramatic effect) place the jug on the scale. You've stopped the bomb and saved countless lives.
8. Consider yourself a hero.

Brilliant.

2005-09-26T15:26:00.000-05:00

This guy wins.

Smokey Joe and the Great Move of '05

2005-08-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

So I've been up to a lot for a change. Over the past couple of weeks, Michelle and I moved into our new house. If you've ever read her blog, you already know this. Anyway, the move went well -- a fact I owe entirely to the awesomeness of my friends. Fear not....If I move again, I think I'm going to hire movers.

There were two real stars of the day. Highest honors go to Savory, a professional mover for over 10 years in a previous life. We brought things to him, and he made them disappear in the truck. I'm still not sure how he managed to get 90% of our stuff over here in one trip. It's a damn good thing we did though...which brings me to the second hero of moving day '05: Smokey Joe.

Smokey Joe is not a person, but a marvel of modern engineering. He epitomizes everything the International truck company and U-Haul are looking for in a quality vehicle. Note that almost everyone has already heard this story ad infinitum, because I think it's so damn funny. My recounting it here is mainly for posterity, so I'll remember it in the future, and because I know Warren will get a kick out of it. This is Smokey Joe's story.

I arrived at the U-Haul place 5 miles from my house at 7AM, a solid half hour before they "opened." I was the fifth person in line. Apparently, the weekend we decided to move is one of the busiest of the year for U-Haul, what with the kiddies going back to school and such. Anyway, after worrying a little about whether or not I'd actually get a truck, watching one guy not get a truck and go completely ballistic, and discovering that U-Haul will let you take a truck with a manual transmission whether you know how to drive it or not, it was my turn to get my vehicle.

The guy helping me wandered around for a while. At one point he informed me that he was "having a little trouble finding the keys." I guess he got over that, becuase a short while later he told me they needed to charge the battery. Things are not going well. He gave me my appliance dolly and showed me my truck. Incidentally, I'd already figured out which truck was mine by looking at the parking lot, finding the absolute worst one, and knowing that they'd give it to me. Suprise suprise, I was right.

I walked out to the truck to find two mechanics working on it. It was hooked up to another running truck, I presume to charge the battery. After much yelling and cursing, they got it started. The whole thing imediately vanished in a cloud of white smoke. I asked the mechanic who looked like he was in charge if it was going to make it. His response: "Smokey Joe? Oh yeah, he'll get you where you need to go."

I climbed aboard my new chariot. A 1988 International 26 foot Box Truck with at least 197,000 miles on it. After several minutes of careful examination, I gave up on trying to find the parking brake release. I went back to ask mechanic-guy, and he showed me where it was. Fantastic. I'm ready go go. As I pulled away, mechanic-guy yells up to me, "Oh yeah! That ricketty muthafucka' gonna slip out of second gear on you!" Those were his exact words. He told me this as I was shifting into second. He wasn't lying, either. You could almost get the shifter all the way into third gear just by giving it too much gas in second. Assuming you could get it into second at all.

After getting a good feel for Smokey Joe's three foot long shifter and getting used to the space between gears being larger than the car that I drive on a regular basis, I was on my way. There was a gigantic cloud of white smoke behind me for a good quarter of a mile as I meandered down route 50 at about 40 mph (which felt like breaking the sound barrier in this P.O.S.). Smokey Joe is truly a force to be reckoned with. I parked it in front of the townhouse for about five seconds with the motor running. Two mintutes later, the smoke alarms were going off inside my house. This thing has problems.

After moving the first load and having lunch, I piled my workforce into the back of good ol' Smokey Joe, Mexican Style, to head back to the house to get the rest. Shockingly enough, Joe was done. Wouldn't start. Didn't even crank. We finished the move with cars and my brother-in-law's pickup. Later that day, a mechanic came out and tried to revive Joe. No dice. He was towed back to Uhaul on Monday morning. And promptly put back into service, I might add. I've already seen him twice since that fateful weekend.

So why was Smokey Joe one of the heros of the day? Well, since he decided to break down "half way" through my move, I didn't pay a dime for him. Not for the truck, the gas, the mileage, the dolly, or the furniture pads. Free. Nada. Gratis. Saved me at least a hundred bucks. Thanks, Joe.

Now that I've bored you all in writing with the same story I've told over and over, I'll move on to the rest of what's been going on. I was in Rochester, NY last weekend for an old friend's wedding. I made some new friends and drank a lot of gin. I also stayed at a hotel which now has the distcintcion of employing an Iron Chef winning chef. Good stuff. Though I don't recommend drinking copious amounts of gin until 3AM, only to get up at 7 and drive 400 miles.

So we're all moved in now, except for one bed which is still at my in-laws' house. Things are coming together faster than I expected them to. The pool table is here, the furniture is placed, and most of the boxes are unpacked, broken down, and on to their next move with other friends. I mowed my lawn today. As much as I'm sure I'll hate doing it eventually, it was pretty cool to know I was doing it for myself for once, and not for a parent or neighbor. We'll see how much I like this place once I start making payments on it, though.

This weekend brings Dewey Beach, late night/early morning work fun, margaritas, and the start of another Hokie Football season. All subjects worthy of Blog updates. Don't hold your breath, though.

I don't really know what to say.

2005-08-10T15:55:00.000-05:00

I was driving to work this morning and I saw a girl driving a jeep. I've seen a lot of girls driving jeeps lately. My first thought when I saw her was of a friend of mine at work who also drives a jeep. Maybe he had some insight into why so many girls were driving them.

He died very unexpectedly last night, at the age of 23. He was a friend and certainly one of the best people I've worked with here. I regret not spending more time getting to know him away from work. Everyone around here is really going to miss him.

Unsolicited Photoshop

2005-07-18T16:01:00.000-05:00

Inspired by this post over at Waan's bloggy-blog. Clicky for full-sized goodness.

Dirty Old Man

2005-06-17T06:57:00.000-05:00

I was driving to the gas station yesterday, and I heard Come As You Are by Nirvana. This would be a completely unremarkable thing, if not for the fact that I heard it on the local classic rock station. The song IS 14 years old, so I guess it can be played on a classic rock station. I guess I just find it a little depressing, since that's the first song I've heard on that station for which I can remember buying the album right when it came out.

Awesome.

2005-06-08T08:17:00.000-05:00

Microwave Grape Lightning

If only we'd known about this four years ago. As cool (and messy) as the exploding egg was, it could only have been made better by some burning grapes. Plus, grapes and I go way way back in our destructive and strange relationship. O-Day Bitch Lunch forever, Bitches. Now, where's Fred? I need me some chocolate chip cookies....

Traveling Man

2005-05-05T22:14:00.000-05:00

I've been reading some really well written stuff in other people's blogs lately, so I've been inspired to actually update my own for once. In an uncharacteristic turn of events, there are actually quite a few very interesting things going on for me right now, so I've really no reason not to write about them...except complete and utter laziness, of course.

Two weekends ago, Delvox and I headed way down souf to hang out with my nephew. It was a fantastic trip, filled to the brim with little of substance. It was one of those great weekends with almost no purpose or planning, but plenty of hanging around and doing absolutely nothing. It really made me miss our days at College Park and Pheasant Run, sitting around watching Comedy Central and being generally worthless.

We started on our epic journey on Friday morning. We left from Delvaux's house in Actiondale and went right for the freeway. Traffic around NoVa wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. We stopped somewhere south of Richmod for gasohol and donut holes. We then took our leave of this state and its anti-radar-detector laws. We cooked through NC, admiring its bounty of interesting billboards and outlet malls. I was pleased to find that Pedro has made his way back onto most of the now rather sparse South of the Border billboards. Almost all of the fun 3D ones are gone now (the only one I remember seeing this trip was "You Never Sausage A Place"). The rest are all two dimensional and not horribly interesting. Smash Hit is gone. So is Have a Ball and You'll Go Bananas. The one with the mechanical sheep jumping over the fence is still there, but only northbound. South of the Border advertising just isn't what it used to be.

Orlando advertising, however...wow. I guess the people who run the "Discount Orlando Tickets" place really underestimate the powers of both the Internet and people's ability to plan a vacation. The very presence of the "Discount Orlando Hotel Deals" billboards flies in the face of planning. I know that when I go somewhere and need a place to stay, I like to decide where that place is and make my arrangements before I'm half way to my destination. This is something which I consider normal behavior. Granted, I'm no whiz when it comes to planning things out, but if I'm going to drive 14 hours from my house, I'm going to make sure I know exactly where I'm sleeping before I leave.

Other billboards of note include those for JR Outlets (a much smaller building than you'd think they'd need to house pretty much every item ever conceived and sold by man), Cafe Risque, and JABS Fireworks (Cleanest restrooms on I-95). If you know anything about my job, you realize that JABS Fireworks is absolutely hilarious and required a stop. Fortunately, we needed gas, so we decided to check it out.

We bought gas at the BP station (no affiliation with JABS) and then went to the other side of 95 to check out JABS Mobile. We used their restroom (billed as the cleanest on a road stretching from Maine to Miami, remember), which Delvaux adequately described as "not the best breakfast I've ever had." It did have a rather amusing sign which I neglected to photograph. It basically warned you not to pee on the seat. Just one more in the myriad of reasons why I should carry my electric screwdriver with me everywhere I go.

Once we finished our tour of this much over-hyped restroom, we went to the actual fireworks store. It was pretty run of the mill. Lots of illegal explosives and such. I got a couple t-shirts and tried to convince Earl (the large man working there) to give me one of his JABS Mobile polo shirts so I could wear it to work. He was agreeable and told us to stop back in on Sunday. Of course, when we did, he was nowhere to be found. Earl, you sneaky bastard.

From this point on to our next destination, I was given the reigns to Delvaux's pimpin new ride. He recently got equiped with item Mazda 3. A nice little car which is insanely smooth at blistering speeds. At one point I looked down at the speedo after not paying much attention for a while, only to find I was bouncing around between 105 and 110. Who knows how long I'd been doing that or what my actual top speed was. That's one smooth car.

The car also has a navigation system. A novelty to me, a necessity to others. I was highly amused at it's utter astonishment that we'd ever want to get off the highway before reaching our final destination. As soon as you got off the road, the robot lady who lives in the dashboard was yelling at you to turn around and get back on. She didn't know where my sister lived, but she knew the general area, and I was able to pick up the trail where she left it. A few short, fast miles later, we were in Cameron, visiting my sister, Kate. We hung out with her for a while, and discussed paint colors, airplanes, wildlife, frozen birds, and how awful it must be to have children of your own (a sentiment I do not necessarily share, but it did make for an interesting conversation). We took our leave from Kate and headed further west to Cayce, a small suburb of Columbia.

After traversing several sets of railroad tracks, an industrial park, the worlds best restaurant, and some pretty ghetto houses, we arrived at my nephew's place. We got situated, then went out for wings. While waiting for our table, we encountered the largest man I've ever seen in my life. This guy was bigger than life itself. Absolutely enormously huge. Our waitress tried to convince us that we ordered a plate of miscellaneous fried vegetables, and was rather undone that we didn't agree. We eventually got our wings, which were no doubt tampered with by our now peeved waitress, ate, and headed back to the house. We stopped for beer on the way (of course) and proceeded to drink Snakebites and Coors Light until eventually passing out for the night.

The next day, my nephew showed us around some. We hit the highlights of Columbia and USC. The bookstore. The parking garage. The frat houses (which are insane, by the way) and, of course, the liquor store. The liquor store was interesting. It had two sides, which were completely separate. One side sold beer and wine, the other liquor. There were cops all over. The place was huge. I bought watermelon vodka (DANGER! DANGER!) and some beers, and we were on our way.

Back at the house, we watched Van Wilder (one in a long list of movies I've not seen) and drank. I had some of the previously mentioned watermelon vodka, and discovered just how evil that shit is. You cannot taste the alcohol in it. I repeat, you cannot taste the alcohol. At no point during the evening did anyone mix it with anything. It's like drinking juice....35% of which is undetectable alcohol. We went to California Dreamin' for dinner and were served by my nephew's roommate. We ate baked potato soup and learned an alternate meaning for the word "Canadian." We then went back to the house and pretened to watch The Patriot while drinking more beer and polishing off that bottle of vodka. I was pretty ripped by the end of the evening.

Sunday morning, we arose and prepared for our journey home. We stopped off at JABS BUrger King for lunch, and then headed to JABS fireworks like Earl said, but as I mentioned earlier, he was nowhere to be found. We took our leave of that place and continued north. We enjoyed more billboard watching though NC and tested out the nav system a couple times to avoid traffic jams. It worked well, and allowed us to soak in some of the culture of the less traveled areas of North Carolina and Virginia. Eventually we made it back to NoVa and that was, as they say, that.

Now that I've bored you all with this dull tale of adventure and billboards, I have to get to bed. I've got to get up in 6 hours to catch a plane to Seattle for the weekend. A trip which will undoubtedly generate an equally long and boring blog entry. Until then, consider yourself a sucker for actually reading this far.

Two Posts in One Night? Are you INSANE?

2005-04-12T20:55:00.000-05:00

So maybe I am. This is more of a "so, what have you been up to, JohnBoy?" post, for those of you who care (nobody).

Last Friday, Delvaux came by and we watched Garden State, which I really liked. I had heard that it was good, but I was a little worried going into it that it was good in a "pop culture, pretending to be indie/way too deep for its own good" good. I was pleasantly surprised. It stars, is written, and directed by the guy from Scrubs. Scrubs is a pretty funny show, I think...I don't watch it enough to make a real judgment, but the episodes I have seen have been pretty good. Zach Braff seems like a pretty funny guy. And talented, based on the movie. It also has Natalie Portman, who plays a cute, albeit completely insane, love interests for Braff. The movie has a lot of angst, mid 20's millionaires (well, one), and motorcycles with sidecars. I recommend it. The soundtrack is pretty good, also.
Saturday night, Tommy came by, and we watched some kind of documentary. It was quite interesting. VH1 showed it without commercials, but edited (no F words or boobs). I'm not sure how I feel about the movie or the subject matter. I'm of the opinion that Metallica completely sold out when they released Load, and they haven't done anything useful since (aside from making my music collection stop abruptly in 2001). It was a little sad to see what pussies they've become, what with the therapy and all, but at the same time, those guys have kids, so they probably shouldn't be solving all their problems by getting loaded and trashing hotel rooms. Everyone grows up eventually. Lars is now, and always will be, a fag, however. That new bassist they have is hardcore, though. And, from what I hear, Metallica still brings the house down at their shows, even if they do charge 80 billion dollars to get in. Just stick to the older songs, guys. Overall, it was pretty good. Definitely interesting. If nothing else, it confirmed my suspicions that Dave Mustaine is still alive.
Let's see how many random IMDB links I can get into one sentence.
Sunday, I had the pleasure of going to Chuck E. Cheese's for my niece's fifth birthday. The kids all had a smashing time, of course. That place has a hell of a racket going. They just serve pizza, maintain video games, and pay some guy to dance around in a mouse suit. None of that can be too pricey. I bet they get killed on insurance, though. With the number of franchises they have, I'm sure it isn't too uncommon for a kid to fall out of the tubes that run all over the ceiling. Going there makes me glad I don't have children yet, and it makes me question the whole concept of the salad bar. I'm glad my niece had a good birthday, though. After the party, I pretended to be an electrician for a few hours at my in-laws, then I washed (and drove around for a while) their Corvette. A productive day, indeed. And I'm glad to say that I neither electrocuted myself nor burned their house down. Truly, I'm on a roll.
I really don't remember a damn thing that happened Monday. I was pretty out of it all day long.
My mom came over for dinner tonight. Michelle made one of her Thai dishes, which was excellent, of course.

The next few weeks promise to be slightly more exciting than the last few. There's a Ten Feet Tall show this Friday at Staccato Music Hall in Adams Morgan, which you'll be at if you're really my friend. Next weekend Delvoxyl and I (and hopefully Mikey) are going to Souf Carolina to hang out with Mr. Scrub (my nephew, not Zach Braff). May brings a trip to Seattle and the MS Ride, which heralds the triumphant return of Team Saddlesore Galactica. Feel free to send me cash...I have to come up with a few hundred bucks, or I'm not allowed to ride. More on that later, no doubt. Also, I'm supposedly going to Vegas sometime for work...I'll be amazed if that ever actually happens, though.

So there you have it...a rare glimpse into the exciting world of your gracious host, me. If you've read this far, I'm truly sorry to have bored you so much. If you actually clicked on every link in this post, I'm sure you deserve some kind of prize. Don't count on it, though. Stay tuned in the future, for sporadic updates bereft of content, just like this one. Ta.

Why Does Samus Rock So Hard?

2005-04-12T20:32:00.000-05:00

I've spent the past hour or so listening to mp3s downloaded from this site. And quite frankly, they kick some serious ass. Now all I want to do is play Metroid, but I don't have any roms, and my NES is in a state of non-hooked-upedness due to my lack of an RF Modulator. Seriously, though...This Metroid Metal thing kicks ass. Maybe Mikey is onto something afterall.

Bad Garbage....Can

2005-04-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

I need to get a new garbage can. I arrived at my house the other day to find mine about 5 feet from the curb, blocking my driveway. The lid was in about 50 pieces scattered all over the road. Apparently the wind had moved the can from wherever my garbage men threw it and some douche took it upon himself to run the lid over. It looked like the can itself had been hit also, but I can't confirm. My street is pretty much a giant wind tunnel, so none of this suprises me. I once had to walk almost a block just to get my recycling bin back. And the other day, the wind was blowing so hard, my house shook. I live in an interior unit townhouse.

Anyway, now I have to buy a new garbage can. That isn't the problem. The problem is getting rid of the old one. How do you throw out a garbage can? Isn't that some kind of paradox?

If I Could Have a Moment of Your Time...

2005-03-07T20:48:00.000-05:00

I'd like to take this opportunity to plug a few things that I like. I realize this isn't going to do much good in the grand scheme of things, since anyone reading this probably already knows about everything I'm referring to. This is intended for the rare outsider who stumbles into my little corner of the Internet here.

So, without further adieu, here is my list of things that don't get the attention or respect they deserve:

You Damn Kid - This is one of the best web comics I've come across. I've been known to read comics online that I absolutely cannot stand, just because they've sucked me in with their stupidity. This is most assuredly NOT one of them. The writing in this comic is phenomenal, and the subject matter is relateable and hilarious. Growing up Catholic and attending a Catholic school for at least SOME of my education makes it all the more enjoyable. A lot of what the author talks about is from before our time, but it's still very funny. It's about being a kid, and that really never changes that much. I strongly encourage everyone to take a look. Probably my favorite strip can be found here. My only issue is that the update schedule can get sporadic, but that seems to be a running theme with online comics. Anyway, read some of this. You won't be disappointed.
Pokey the Penguin - My love for this comic is discussed at length here.
Arrested Development - This is, in my opinion, the best show to have come on television since Family Guy. It may be better than Family Guy. I haven't quite decided yet. I haven't seen American Dad yet, but I know Arrested Development is better. I can just tell already. This is one of those shows that Fox stumbled into and doesn't know what to do with. It is pointed squarely away from Fox's core demographic. What I mean is that this show isn't for the typical Simple Life or NASCAR viewer. Anyone who plans to watch Fox's next gem, Life on a Stick, probably won't undertand half the jokes that are made on this show. Arrested Development is extremely well written and incredibly funny. I've seen most of the episodes at least twice, and every time I watch I catch some joke that I didn't see before. The humor ranges from incredibly subtle to hitting you in the face with a frying pan. The show contains running inside joke after running inside joke, which is right up my alley. You have to pay attention to catch all the little jokes, but the writers really reward you for doing so. There's actually a fairly good chance that the show won't be renewed by Fox for next season. Things like that really test my faith in humanity. Fox finally comes up with a show which appeals to someone other than the lowest common denominator, and they're seriously considering canceling it. There's actually a website which is doing everything it can to keep the show on the air. I strongly encourage you to check it out. And, if you're my friend, you'll start watching Arrested Development at 8:30 on Sundays. It needs all the support it can get. And buy the DVDs. Or at least borrow mine. You'll be glad you did.
Ten Feet Tall - My good friend, and only Chinese sibling, the real Rob Lowe is quite the musician. He is in this band, which I've seen once. They play a good mix of music, strongly influenced by rock, blues, and a little hip-hop. Rob is a huge Blues Traeveler fan, and that works its way into their sound. He's also quite a harp (harmonica for those not in the know) player. Go to their website, read about it, download some of their songs. They're playing the Grog and Tankard on March 25. I saw them there last month. It's a good venue. Maybe not the most convenient place in the world, as it is basically on the upper edge of Georgetown. They have a lot of beers on tap and it's really small, so you can get pretty up close and personal with the bands that play there. The cover last time was like $7, and I saw four bands. Pretty good. One of the bands even had a guy get up on stage and do some fairly impressive beatboxing. Go here, and check out Krayola, if you're interested in that sort of thing.

That's pretty much it, for now. If you haven't heard of some of the stuff I've mentioned, I really hope you'll check it out. Hell, even if I've already jammed this cram down your throat, check it out again. Maybe you'll notice something you didn't before. If I've already converted you, tell others. All of these things will benefit greatly from any kind of publicity.

TESTING 1, 2, 3.

2005-01-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

I made some minor changes to my template. I want to change the whole thing, but I'm not l33t enough quite yet. Anyway, had to post to see if the changes worked or not.

I hate you.

2005-01-29T09:27:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Blogger, for destroying yet another post. You cruel, cruel bastard.

Does anyone know if LiveJournal is any better?

You Rolling Thick Crust?

2005-01-26T16:09:00.000-05:00

It occurred to me just now that some people might not understand the naming, etc. of my blog. I figured those of you who have the misfortune to have stumbled onto this page might be interested.

I've always found things that are completely absurd to be quite amusing. One of the most absurd things on the Interweb is Pokey the Penguin. This is a webcomic I started reading back in college. The whole comic looks like it was created in MS Paint (probably for a very good reason) and the dialog makes little, if any sense. Rather than go back and erase dialog or drawings, the "artist" simply crosses them out. It's an acquired taste, but I find this shit to be absolutely hilarious. Now that you all think I'm insane, a little more in-depth explanation of some key terms:

Chicago Style: As you can see here, Chicago Style means to do something without pants on. I think the term originated in a dream the author or possibly one of his friends had. It found its way into the strip, and I picked it up from there. Very few people understand this reference, but I've only been questioned on it once, and it was about five minutes ago. I guess people just don't pay any attention when I do things that don't make any damn sense, since it happens so often.

DON'T YOU HAVE GOOD GARBAGE?: Taken from this strip, for no apparent reason. When I created my blog, it needed a title. I figured Pokey was as good a place as any to find one. This one struck me, because I figured 98% of what's in here is mindless garbage anyway. So I might as well question its goodness.

Mr. Nutty: This is the first appearance of Mr. Nutty in a Pokey strip. He is a "regular" character, if you can call any of them that. Keep in mind Pokey has no update schedule and only one plot line I can think of: the inhabitants of the Arctic Circle don't like the Italians because they try to steal their arctic circle candy. Your guess is as good as mine. Anyway, Mr. Nutty is a sophisticated alcoholic snowman/baron of industry who cruises around the Arctic Circle in a giant flying boxing glove. His business ventures include Nutty Industries and the Mr. Nutty School of Placemat Design. Having just re-read those last two sentences, I'm beginning to think I'm a little nuts for liking this comic so much. Anyway, I like Mr. Nutty's style. So much so, that I use some variant of "Mr. Nutty" for most of my internet usernames. Most notably one of my primary IM names, which anyone reading this should already know.

Anyway, I think that's about it. I highly recommend reading some Pokey strips. Admittedly, some of them are pretty lame, but the majority are hilarious, if you ask me. If you find humor in things that are completely off the wall, totally ghetto, and don't make any sense whatsoever, you'll enjoy Pokey.

Oh, the quote in the "About Me" section over there is from the Talking Heads song, Psycho Killer.